We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:9, NIV)
This is one of those self-explanatory scriptures. We should love our spouse because God loved us first. If we can just show deep love to our spouse, our marriages will be able to survive anything.
True and deep love realizes that the other party is not perfect because no one is. True love realizes that the same way you make mistakes is the same way your spouse can make mistakes.
When you show deep love to each other, it will outweigh any mistake that might be threatening to put a chasm between you.
With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3
This is the perfect design for marriage as God designed it to be. You should learn to exercise patience and learn to bear with your spouse in love. You should always be eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.
There is nothing quite as awesome as a peaceful marriage – and it takes the two of you to create this peace in your marriage.
Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. (1 John 2:15-17)
There is a lot of misinformation in the world about marriage. For instance, Hollywood has painted a very misconstrued picture of marriage. It creates the notion that married people do not have fun together as much as single ones do.
As a Christian couple, it is a good idea to avoid basing marital decisions on the standards of the world. There are only two alternatives – either you live as per the standards of the world, or you live as per the standards of the word.
The Christian couple that builds their marriage on the foundation of the word of God will stand the test of time because the word of God will never fail. In the words of Jesus, heaven and earth may pass away but his word will abide forever.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Hebrews 13:4)
Most broken marriages ended on the rocks as a result of adultery. And the worst thing about adultery is that it not only destroys the marriage but the kids and other people that are related to them. In the words of Solomon, only a fool would be adulterous (Proverbs 6:32).
Nothing positive comes out of adultery. Adultery is like the proverbial carrot the enemy dangles to married couples and anyone that takes a bite from it ends up regretting for the rest of their life.
Even if your spouse forgives you, your relationship will never quite be the same. Every married couple must, therefore, be committed to being faithful to one another until death.
Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; (Proverbs 6:25)
Our society has Okayed having sexual fantasies with celebrities and other people we admire. It is common to hear someone admit in public about “their crush” and it doesn’t even raise eyebrows. But the truth of the word of God is that this is a sin.
Sexual immorality is not just in the act. Even the thought of it is sin. There are many Christians who are physically monogamous but mentally polygamous. They have never cheated on their spouses in the physical sense of the word but they cheat emotionally on a daily basis.
In the eyes of God, looking on someone lustfully is just as bad as sleeping with them.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Mathew 6:34).
It may sound human to worry but the problem with worry is that it doesn’t solve any problem. As a matter of fact, worry exacerbates the situation. Philippians 4:6 gives a better way of dealing with marital problems – instead of spending time worrying about your broken marriage; just take it to the Lord in prayer.
It’s almost like Paul is saying, “If you can worry about it, you can pray about it.” So instead of burdening yourself with unnecessary anxiety, just talk to the Lord about it in prayer.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22)
We are all born selfish. It takes deliberate effort for one to think of the needs of others before they think of their own. Most of the marital issues would have never been there if spouses took the issue of submission seriously.
Nowadays, everyone wants to have their way because no one is willing to appear to be the weak one. But submission calls for some maturity in realizing that it takes two to make a marriage work.
It takes maturity to realize that the opinion of the other person counts just as much. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of your spouse instead of always assuming that you are right.
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19).
Someone observed that a woman that is loved as Christ loved the church will never have a problem submitting to their husband. It is the perfect cycle of love that God created. The more a husband loves their wife, the more the wife submits and the more the wife submits to their husband, the more he loves her.
And the person to make sure this circle is not broken is the husband – for he is the head of the house just as Christ is the head of the church.
Husbands should always seek for ways to love their wives and the yardstick for measuring this should be the kind of love Jesus shows the church. Jesus didn’t love the church because it deserved his love. He just loved the church unconditionally.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13 is referred to as the love chapter. In this chapter, we are reminded of the important characteristics of love. A good verse to summarise the entire chapter is verse 13 – faith hope and love are eternal but the greatest of the three is love.
Any marriage that places a premium on love will outlast and overcome anything. Love is the most important quality to have and every husband and wife must aspire to perfect their love.
And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us (Mathew 6:12,
Asking for forgiveness is often not easy for most people – but even harder is forgiving when asked. But the Christian couple must always learn from Jesus Christ. The relationship that Jesus has with the church is described in scripture as a marriage.
In the book of revelation, the church is referred to as his bride. Now, just think of the many imaginable things the church has done over the centuries. Think of the way the church has allowed sin to enter the pews at will.
Think of the way the ministers have misused their positions to promote all kinds of sin. And yet, Christ has remained steadfast in his love for the church. That should teach us to be more affectionate and forgiving to our spouses. And this simple truth can save many broken marriages.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive…Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times ( Matthew 18:21-22).
It is not clear where Peter pulled the figure 7 from. Maybe he reckoned that the grace period should be equal to the number of days in a week. By Peter’s standards, one would only forgive their spouse once a day.
Anyone who is married long enough knows that would never be enough. Jesus responded to Peter by saying that the number to forgive is higher than what he had in mind. He needed to multiply it by a factor of 70. Jesus was trying to illustrate that you should forgive so many times that you lose count of it.
You shouldn’t even be counting because that wouldn’t count as forgiveness. Marriages that last long are those that always have room for forgiveness.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalms 46:10).
When the going gets tough, the tough get going. That might be true in some situations but sometimes; the best way to fight is by not fighting. When you get overwhelmed by the troubles that are threatening to break your marriage, just surrender it to God and let him take charge of the situation.
God will not fight for you if you are still fighting for yourself. He will not share his glory with anyone. You must be willing to let go and let God.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours (Mark 11:24).
Faith is the missing ingredient in most unanswered prayers. If you inject some faith into your prayer, you will get the answer sooner than you expect. There is no problem God can’t fix. There is no person God can’t change. But there is only one catch – as you pray for change, do it in faith.
James warns not to expect an answer from God if we are praying without an iota of faith (James 1:6-7). Get your faith in place and the healing you desire for your broken marriage will become a reality.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed (Proverbs 15:22).
There is no such thing as being too experienced for counsel. Do not shy away from asking for counsel. The only caveat is to only get counsel from Christians. Do not go for marriage therapy to a therapist who is not born again.
They will probably give you unbiblical counsel. But once you identify the right counsel and commit to heed to the advice, your marriage will be saved.
“For I hate divorce, says the LORD the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts (Malachi 2:16).
Divorce is so commonplace in our society today that we have grown accustomed to it. Our permissive society has made it seem like a must-of-life. But it wasn’t like that from the beginning. Before you think of divorcing your spouse, remember God hates divorce.
It might be convenient to run away from your marital problems but there is always a better way – with the help of God, you can still save your marriage. Divorce shouldn’t even be an option.