How can I Stay Pure While Single in a permissive world? This is the question asked by young single individuals. Sexual immorality is on the rise because our society has become way too permissive. Single and pure no longer sound appealing.
In fact, using the two words in a sentence will most likely raise eyebrows. Hollywood and the internet have glorified premarital sex so much that virginity is now considered uncool.
As Christians, we are faced with a choice to make, shall we follow the trends of the world, or shall we follow the standards of the word of God? James must have foreseen our society when he aptly warned: Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever, therefore, will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. James 4:4
It should really be a tough call for any Christian. It shouldn’t be hard to follow the instruction of God. But we would be pretending if we said it was easy- the fact is, many youths struggle with sexual purity. So maybe we need to look at this in detail let’s start by examining what Scripture has to say about sexual purity.
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What does the Bible say about fornication?
God detests sex before marriage as well as extramarital sex. Sexual immorality is condemned all over the Bible right from the Old Testament all the way through the New Testament.
- Ephesians 5:3 reminds us “to avoid any hint of sexual immorality…… because it is improper among God’s holy people”.
- Romans 12: 2 also urges us to offer our bodies as living sacrifices which are holy and pleasing to God.
- Paul also makes it clear in 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5 that we need to be sanctified from sexual immorality and learn to control our bodies in an honorable and holy way.
- 2 Corinthians 6:13 says that our bodies are not meant for sexual immorality but rather for the Lord.
- 1 Corinthians 7:2. Each man should take his own wife and each woman her husband to curb sexual immorality.
These are just a couple of references from the scriptures but there are more. But they should be enough to deter you from lasciviousness.
Everyone is doing it
The common lie, on sexual immorality, which is spread by the devil to young people is, “everyone is doing it.” Well, to begin with, you are not everyone. Jesus is your personal savior. Personal means it’s an individual decision and not a group thing. Secondly, it is not true that everyone is doing it.
There are lots of Christians who have chosen to walk in chastity and are doing just fine. Lolo Jones is an example of a Christian that walked the path of purity. In her own words, it was just as hard as training of the Olympics but she pulled it off. God has many such remnants all over the globe and you can join the bandwagon too. When it gets too hard, just remember; when the going gets tough, the tough get going!
Tips to stay pure while single
It is natural to want to express love physically even if you are a committed Christian. The body is always at war with the spirit which is why Paul pointed out to the fact that sometimes his spirit was willing but his flesh was weak. For you to defeat the enemy in the area of fornication, you have to be aggressive, tenacious and deliberate.
Victory will not be handed to you on a silver platter. Thankfully, God has given you everything you need to say no to unrighteousness as the Bible say. He will give you the grace to fight until the day you marry the love of your life. Here are some of the tips that have been tried and tested to work in putting up a fight against sex before marriage.
Kill your fantasies
Let’s be real here; everyone thinks about sex once in a while. Even if you try not to, the amount of exposure on media is enough to get you there. Sometimes you try your best to resist spoiling your thoughts but they come somehow. When this happens, try as much as possible to disengage from the tempting situations.
Find useful meaning in your free time. Stay away from toxic movies, literature, websites, soap operas and songs. Tune your mind to the right kind of entertainment and thoughts of sexual immorality will fizzle away.
Study the word of God
The more time you spend studying God’s word, the stronger your spirit man becomes. A spiritually strong Christian is able to discern danger from miles away. Reading the word attracts faith according to Romans 10:17. Faith can move mountains as the good book says.
The way to a victorious life as a single man or woman is reading and meditating on scripture. David alludes to that in Psalms. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Psalms 105:11
The word of God is the master key to unlocking the doors of a fulfilled life free of sexual immorality. Learn what God is all about and why He created you in the first place. If you are wondering how to begin reading the Bible, consider the following suggestion.
Acknowledge Jesus everywhere you go
When a compromising situation arises, always acknowledge the presence of God. Remind yourself of the commitment you have to Christ. He gave Himself up for you and therefore you owe him the honor of doing the right thing when you have the power and opportunity to. You are better off putting brakes halfway into the wrong sexual act than dropping your conscience completely.
Set boundaries as a single individual
Remember Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:18 telling us to flee from sexual immorality? It was no accident. The words God chose to bring to our attention through Paul were right. To counter attack sex before marriage requires flight. Not running or walking but flight. You can only do this by setting personal boundaries that will help you achieve this. Do not forget to do this even when dating. Here are a few suggestions of the kind of boundaries we are talking about here.
- Avoid visiting the person you are dating in their house unless in the company of someone else. Keep your dates in restaurants and public places.
- During courtship, purpose to disengage from anything that will lead to sexual thoughts. This includes such things as kissing, cuddling, watching toxic movies with your partner etc
Channel your energies to the right places
Scripture says idol hands are the devil’s workshop (Prov. 16:27). Decline the offer of your mind being used to please the devil and find something to do when you have some time on your hands. You can volunteer for a charity event and be of help around your community, visit a friend, read a good book or attend the mid-week services at your local church. Refuse to be idle and you will be free from sexual immorality.
Choose who you hang out with
Psalms 1:1 says that you shouldn’t walk in the way of the ungodly, stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. This means you have to choose the right company for you to achieve your goal of staying pure as a single man or woman.
The church is the first place to find the right company of believers. Join a Bible study group or a ministry group and hang out with like-minded Christians. You can also take part in a number of activities geared at connecting you with the right peer groups.
Be accountable While been Single
Do not walk the purity journey alone – tag a good friend along for an easier ride. Look for a friend whom you can confide about any struggles you might have on the sexual immorality front. This person has to be firm and assertive. Be accountable to them concerning all your struggles, fantasies, weaknesses and so on. Make sure you are completely honest about these issues to them even when you stumble along the way. This will keep you in check at all times because all your actions will reach to them.
Staying pure while being single may be a daunting task but nothing meaningful is easy anyway. If you have already messed up, just know that God is abounding in love and mercy. All you need to do is be remorseful for your actions, repent and get on the right path by following the tips shared above.