Christian Sex: 7 Proven Barriers To Fulfilling Marriage Sexually

We do need healthy and Godly Christian sex advice when it comes to sex.

Many Christian married couples are yet to experience fulfilling sexual experience. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage.

Christian Sex
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Our culture is drowning in a wrong and sinful view of sex. And because of this, many Christians are confused about healthy sex in Christian marriage.

Here are 7 barriers to fun and fulfilling Christian sex for married couples

 

1. Not knowing what God says about sex

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.)

God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be “fruitful and multiply”, and then commented “it was good” (Genesis 1:31.) Somehow, it seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created.

An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequently you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. On the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex in different positions and places.

However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us.

It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.

Also Related: 31 Proven Reasons Why Christian Marriages Fail.

4. Failure to plan

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency. Sex is never convenient but is critical to a vital relationship.

Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other.

Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful.

Find other ways to thank your spouse and healthy ways to overcome your resentments.

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality.

If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this.

Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area and begin the road to recovery.

It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.

7. Pornography

The most significant destructive force to healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages.

Images are burned into a person’s mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life.

I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

5 Tips That Will Keep Your Marriage Exciting Sexually

Married Sexuality
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The buildup to the wedding is so exciting; making arrangements, laying out a plan for your future lives together. But after the honeymoon ends, life begins.

And while you may have the most wonderful marriage, even the most devoted couple is certain to find the married lifestyle to be at times, well let’s say, less than exciting.

I mean let’s face it, you love the other person, but spending all day with the same individual makes for a lot of routine activities, that if you are not careful can drag on your relationship and make you both feel unsatisfied with what is otherwise a very loving relationship.

As a result, it is vital that couples not simply sit back in the belief that a marriage will remain exciting merely on its own momentum.

Rather, it is important that spouses take some basic steps to infuse their relationships with a bit of excitement about sexuality.

1. Have Independent Interests

You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things.

Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength.

Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.

Also Related: Christian Marriage Advice for Couples:17 Will Surprise You.

2. Spontaneous Events

While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and busier by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous.

So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.

3. Never threaten separation

This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another.

As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up.

It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.

4. Weekend Trips

One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify.

So instead opt for a one-night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.

5. Spice up the bedroom

The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship.

So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.

Christian Sex Books Resources:

Love & Sex: A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy: Nancy Houston

Christian Sex Positions: 58 Positions, Illustrated, Nudity Free: Lewis Mason

A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy: Douglas E. Rosenau

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun): Sheila Wray Gregoire

CHRISTIAN SEX TIPS

Conclusion

In my experience counseling many married couples, I have discovered a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life.

The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. So much of today’s culture promotes a contaminated view of sex.

As Christians, let’s change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality.


David

Is an Ordained Minister and Life Coach. He is an ordained minister since 1988. Shortly after receiving Jesus as his personal savior, he answered the call to ministry.

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