Can we fix a broken marriage God’s way? If so, how do we go about it? Will things ever be the same?
These are some of the questions that people with broken marriages struggle with.
God ordained marriage in the Garden of Eden. It is, therefore, a gift from God that involves two people committing to love each other. But that does not mean that it’s going to be an easy journey.
There will be great times of peace, joy, romance, and laughter in marriage. But there will also be times of frustration, anger, and disappointment.
Today, we will discuss the best ways a married couple can fix a broken marriage.
17 Ways to Fix a Broken Marriage God’s Way
The institution of marriage is under intense attack. So much so it’s becoming harder for people to remain married to one partner for the rest of their lives.
But you don’t have to divorce just because you are facing different challenges. Unless you have to, the two of you can focus on fixing your marriage instead of divorcing.
Here is how to do it:
Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
For Jesus to come into your marriage and fix it, you need to be willing to surrender to him. Allow him to be Lord over your life if you are not born again.
Doing this works better if both of you are on the same page about fixing your marriage. But if your spouse is not open to the idea of surrendering their lives to Jesus, then do not fret.
Ask God to work on their heart because it is not up to us to make people accept Jesus. We can point them to Christ with the word and our actions. But it is the Holy Spirit who will convict their hearts.
Now someone may ask why is it important to give your life to Christ?
To be open to God.
The Bible says that God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship him in spirit and truth.
So for God to mend your broken heart and marriage, you need to be connected to Him spiritually. That is why we need to have a personal relationship with His Son Jesus Christ (Romans 10:9).
Your mind will be Transformed.
Part of being saved is having a renewed mind in Christ (Romans 12:2). The way you think about your marriage and how you handle problems will change.
Marriage will not be all about you. It will have a deeper meaning because it will be about Jesus and his bride.
Both of you will stop focusing on each other’s weaknesses and failures and start being gracious to one another.
It gives you the right to trust God for your marriage.
While God loves all His children, believers and non-believers, there are special privileges or blessings He gives to believers.
Yes, God makes the rain to fall on the righteous and the wicked (Matthew 5:45). But there are blessings that only the righteous will receive in this world.
When you accept Christ and follow his commands, you receive a spiritual right to believe God will prosper your marriage. Since Jesus is your Lord, you have a right to expect God to hear your prayers for restoration in marriage.
Accept that you can’t fix your Spouse.
The reason most marriages suffer is that people are trying to change each other. We lie to ourselves that if we can only fix something about our spouse, our marriage problems will be over. But that is simply not true.
The truth is you cannot fix yourself. We run to God for help when we want to become better people. And as such, we need to surrender our spouses to God and allow him to fix them. He is the one who understands them inside out.
The more you try to fix your spouse, the more you’ll become frustrated in life. And you may end up pushing your spouse away.
Put God first in your marriage.
When it comes to marriage, accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior is excellent. But you also need to put God first in your marriage. James tells us faith that is not accompanied with action is dead (James 2:14-26).
Instead of running around trying to make decisions by yourself, go to almighty God. Ask Him what you need to do so to revive your marriage.
Putting God first will save you a lot of trouble. He’s going to reveal to you things that you would never have known without Him.
Remember, God is all-knowing. You may think that you know your spouse because you’ve been with him for many years. But there are things deep in his or her heart that you may not know.
God knows our hearts. He will help you understand these things and teach you how to treat your spouse.
How does one put God first in their life and marriage?
- Be willing to sacrifice other things for God.
If you have been putting other things like your career, children, and even your spouse before God, change that. Allow God to come first in your life. God does not share His glory with another, not even your spouse. He needs to come before everything and everyone in your life.
Worshipping God with your Spouse.
You should not just spend time in God’s presence individually. It’s great to do that because we connect with God differently and personally. But you also need to do it as a couple. Pray, fast, go to church and study the word together.
Own your part of the Problem.
You may be contemplating divorce at this point. But you need to take few steps back and examine your heart.
Are you part of the problem that is causing strife in your marriage? Some people believe their spouse is the only cause of their marital problems.
None of us is perfect (Romans 3:10). Our spouse may not be a good person, but neither are we. This does not mean that you excuse someone who is physically and emotionally abusing you.
You need to be safe, even if that means moving to a safer place as you work on your marriage. But it is also crucial for you to own your mistakes.
It may be difficult to point out exactly what you’re doing wrong. That is why it is vital to turn to God. He will reveal your mistakes and help you fix them.
5. Study Scriptures on Restoration of Marriage.
God says His people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Most marriages are suffering because they were established on the wrong foundations.
Most of us run to marriage experts before running to the word of God. And since most people talk from experience, they mislead you because they’re giving you advice based on their marriage.
We need to understand that each person is different. Even though men and women share some traits at the end of it all, each one of us is different.
Some things make us different from other people. For example, we learn or understand things differently. We also react to situations differently.
God understands all of us. And it is through studying scripture that God can work in our hearts. It is not wrong to ask for marital advice from people. But it is better to go to God first.
Study scripture about love and marriage, and restoration. These will enable you to know what marriage is all about. And how to love your spouse.
Rely on God’s wisdom.
There are millions of books about dating, marriage, and how to fix a broken marriage. Some of them have great content that will help you to improve your marriage. But some won’t.
God’s wisdom is better than man’s wisdom.
God may ask you to engage in prayers for marriage restoration. Other times He might tell you to be quiet and wait patiently as He deals with your spouse.
Relying on God’s wisdom is going to help you deal with your marital problems correctly. Sometimes the wisdom of God may appear like foolishness, but it will fix your broken marriage.
Instead of figuring out things your way, turn to God and ask him to give you wisdom. James tells us that when we ask God for wisdom, so he’ll give it to us generously (James 1:5).
Make Forgiveness a Priority.
Let us be honest. It’s easy to talk about forgiveness and forgiving others. But it’s challenging to do it if the person who has wronged you is not willing to reconcile with you.
It is not easy to forgive your spouse when trust is broken. But God has given us the grace to do so. Forgiving your spouse is not just for them but also your peace of mind.
When you offend them be quick to ask for forgiveness instead of defending yourself. You will not do it perfectly each time, but when you realize your mistakes, ask for forgiveness.
Trust Jesus for your Marriage.
We are human beings. That means we will make mistakes from time to time. That is why we should never put trust in our efforts. We might try to do things to please our spouses. But the truth is, at times, those things will only push them away.
We need to shift our trust from ourselves or other people to Jesus. He has your best interest at heart and wants you to prosper in all your ways.
Turning to Him and trusting the process He takes you through will help you cope with your marital problems.
Follow the Holy Spirit.
It is only the Holy Spirit that understands what goes on in our minds and hearts. We may try to figure people out but only up to a certain degree.
God has given us the Holy Spirit to teach us all things. If you want to fix your broken marriage, God’s way, the Holy Spirit is ready to help you.
He will lead you in all truth concerning your marriage. If the two of you are believers, then you both must submit to the leading of the Spirit of God.
Be obedient to his promptings so that you can do things the right way and work on your marriage. (John 14:26)
Fix a broken marriage through Marriage Restoration Prayers.
Sometimes we run around trying to look for solutions instead of starting with the simplest solution, prayer. Prayer is a simple solution because God is readily available. He wants to listen to your cries and disappointments.
Opening up to God and sharing your frustrations about marriage will enable you to release the load you carry in your heart. You will have the peace of God amid your troubles.
God already knows what is happening but not just that he also knows the solution to your marriage.
Now you need to do two things when you pray:
Stand on His promises.
Instead of complaining day-in-day-out, look for scripture about marriage. Meditate on those scriptures day and night.
Remember, the word of God is the sword of the spirit. You need to use it to quench the lies the enemy is feeding you and your spouse.
Do not just focus on the problem focus on what God’s word says. Stand on it until your marriage is restored and renewed.
Thank God for fixing your marriage.
Praying for a spouse who has wronged you is hard. Thanking God for them is tricky. You may find yourself reporting your spouse to God instead of thanking God for them.
Instead of telling God about all the unrealistic expectations, your spouse has on you. Thank God for your marriage and your spouse.
Thank God, even when you do not feel like doing it.
Resist the enemy.
As we have already stated, the marriage institution is under attack.
The enemy knows that when a marriage is strong, then the family will be strong. When the family is strong, society will be positively impacted, which will positively impact the nation and world.
Instead of complaining about your marriage, resist the enemy. The Bible tells us that we do not war against flesh and blood.
As long as you keep looking at your spouse as your enemy, you’re going to miss the real enemy. That is the devil. Yes, the enemy works through people, and he may use your spouse to frustrate your life.
That is why you need to go after him using the weapons God has given us in Ephesians 6. Fight the fight of faith and see God deliver your marriage from the clutches of hell.
Focus on changing yourself.
You can inspire your spouse to become a better version of themself. But you cannot force them to become better. However, you can change yourself by working in partnership with God and allowing Him to transform you inside out.
You may be thinking that something is wrong with your spouse when in reality, something is wrong with you. This does not mean that you start living in condemnation.
It doesn’t mean you allow people to manipulate you. Some people think that if they only change something about themselves, their spouse will love them better. And their marriage will be restored. But that is not guaranteed.
You need to change yourself for your good and God’s glory.
In the book Victory over Darkness, Neil T. Anderson shares a story about a married couple. He advised them to work on themselves instead of trying to fix each other.
So the couple spent some time apart where they mended their relationship with God. Their marriage was saved because each one of them focused on themselves.
They each worked on their relationship with God instead of trying to fix each other. This enabled them to appreciate themselves and each other.
Reach for support.
We cannot do this life alone. That is why the Bible encourages us to love and have fellowship with one another. We need to be careful about getting advice from some people.
Some of our friends give lousy advice out of jealousy and wickedness. But we need to have people in our lives that give sound advice.
Reaching out to a counselor or friends who will give you unbiased advice is essential. Your friends may point out things that the two of you may be overlooking.
They may also hold you in prayer and help you to fight for your marriage before God’s throne of grace. The marriage restoration prayers will help fix a broken marriage God’s way.
Ask God to show you to the right people who will give you sound advice concerning your marriage.
Seek help immediately.
Some people wait until things are out of hand before they share their marital issues with others. But it is essential to seek help when we realize that things are not going the right way.
Some marriages that have ended up in divorce would have been saved. That is if the two people had put their egos aside and asked for help.
There are things that the two of you will have to solve together without the involvement of other parties. But there are also things you may have to seek help immediately before they get out of hand.
Fix a broken marriage God’s way by being patient.
We live in times when people are unwilling to go the extra mile to fight for their marriage. As soon as something happens, they divorce and enter into another marriage.
Unfortunately, this does not work out for their good. They avoid dealing with the real issue that may be causing problems in their marriage.
You need to be patient because the Bible says love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4). Unless you have to divorce for your safety or the safety of your children, endeavor to remain patient.
The process may be painful. It may even involve separation, but do not quit unless God leads you to do it.
Rebuild your friendship and trust.
While it is essential to love your spouse, there’s going to come a time when love alone may not work. Unlike God, our love is conditional.
Since our love is conditional, it changes from time to time. Meaning it is influenced by what is happening around us and by our feelings.
There may be times when trust may be broken, and love can turn into hatred. Friendship will enable you to withstand everything. Try to rebuild your friendship because it is in doing so that you’re going to fix your marriage.
True friends will go the extra mile for each other. When the two of you are friends, it will be easy to make some sacrifices to rebuild your marriage.
Make no Ultimatums.
When someone is hurt, it is easy for them to make ultimatums. Your spouse may have hurt you time and again. You are fed up and are on the verge of giving up on your marriage.
You may even be thinking of giving him or her an ultimatum. Or maybe you have already done that by telling them if they do not change, then you’re going to leave.
If you’re going to involve God in your marriage, then stop giving your spouse ultimatums. You may think that your marriage will become incredible again after a month or a year.
It may take time for God to work on you and your spouse. Ultimatums will block God from working in every area that needs mending in your marriage.
Avoid giving ultimatums, especially when God is telling you to hold on to that marriage.
While marriage is a great institution, it is also a difficult one.
People get marriage certificates before they start their marriage. But still, they have to put in the effort, make sacrifices and rely on God for their marriage to work.
You may be thinking of giving up on your marriage. Maybe this is your final way of looking for a solution before you divorce. If you need to fix a broken marriage God’s way, you need to start with God. Be willing to follow His way as opposed to doing it your way.
Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. And go the extra mile even if you do not feel like doing it. God is all-knowing. He loves you and your spouse very much.
He’s willing and ready to help you as long as you remain submitted and obedient to his voice.